Trump Trolls Trump
23 May, 2026
Welcome to Trump Trolls Trump, where the lies, grift, corruption, and incompetence continue piling up around somebody named Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump. Once again proving that the most effective response to authoritarian absurdity is mockery and ridicule.
It is Saturday, May 23rd. We are now 488 days into Donald’s second occupation of the Oval Office, also known as the ongoing collapse of American democracy. Somehow, unbelievably, we are wrapping up week seventy of this nightmare, which frankly feels rude to everybody involved.
One person who never seems remotely interested in doing his best is my cousin Donnie, who, because it is apparently wedding season among the Palm Beach socialite class, is heading to the Bahamas to marry Bettina Anderson.
Donald was asked by reporters whether he planned to attend his own son’s wedding, which honestly feels like the kind of thing we should not have to ask a parent.
Apparently it was exactly the right question.
This is what Donald had to say:
He’d like me to go, but it’s going to be just a small little private affair and I’m going to try and make it. I’m in the midst. I said, “This is not good timing for me. I have a thing called Iran and other things. That’s one I can’t win on. If I do attend, I get killed. If I don’t attend, I get killed.” By the freak news, of course. But he’s got a very person who I’ve known for a long time and hopefully they’re going to have a great marriage.
That answered questions I did not know I had.
Apparently, very small weddings sometimes exclude the groom’s father. Apparently Donald has “known” his son Donnie for “a long time,” which I assumed was implied in the parent child relationship. And apparently attending your child’s wedding is now politically controversial.
The thing is, I actually believe Donald may skip the wedding because he is far too busy talking to reporters about his ballroom. So, sorry Donnie. Keep trying. Maybe one day your father will discover basic human attachment.
Unfortunately, we now have to turn to Louisiana Senator Foghorn Leghorn otherwise known as John Kennedy.
Senator Foghorn Leghorn appeared on Fox State News to defend the idea of the United States taking over Cuba. During the interview, he launched into his usual performance, pretending to be a harmless backwoods philosopher while discussing Cuba, but ended up accidentally describing the Trump regime instead.
Foghorn: Fidel Castro, the original Castro was pretty smart. He was evil, but he was smart. But these ass hats since then have just been incompetent. They’re like three wheeled shopping carts. They’re incompetent. All they know how to do is oppress people. They take all their money and they give it to the military and the police and themselves and to hell with the good people of Cuba. And that’s not a model for success.
Except it increasingly is the Trump regime’s model for success.
Take everybody’s money. Funnel it toward militarization, authoritarian enforcement, and self enrichment while ordinary people suffer. It turns out Kennedy accidentally described the modern Republican Party almost perfectly.
Once again we are forced to discuss Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins, she of the “raise backyard chickens to survive egg prices” economic recovery plan.
Rollins appeared on Fox State News to explain soaring beef prices, and her explanation somehow managed to be both absurd and deeply revealing.
Rollins: There is no doubt that we are facing very high beef prices, specifically in ground beef. And you mentioned that we’re at about 670, you mentioned 690. That’s about a dollar above where it has historically been. And we don’t take that for granted, right? A dollar is too much more than where it has been. But this is also combined with make America healthy again. People are eating more beef than ever before. This is an amazing testament.
An amazing testament to what exactly?
Apparently, according to the Trump regime, skyrocketing beef prices are proof that Robert Kennedy Jr.’s “Make America Healthy Again” campaign is succeeding. Which is an interesting way to describe Americans paying more money for basic food while being told to celebrate it.
The truly shocking part of the interview is that Rollins did not recommend everybody purchase backyard cows the way she previously recommended backyard chickens.
Although give it time.
At this rate, the Department of Agriculture is going to start encouraging Americans to personally raise livestock in studio apartments while billionaires continue price gouging them into oblivion.
Speaking of scams masquerading as healthcare policy, Robert Kennedy Jr., Mehmet Oz, and others joined Donald this week to promote Trump Rx, the administration’s so called prescription drug discount scam.
Donald, naturally, described it as the single greatest medical achievement in human history.
Donald: We now pay the lowest price in any country. We went from the highest to the lowest that I think outside of maybe a cure itself. It’s the biggest thing to happen to healthcare and everything having to do with medical in any way, shape, or form. There’s never been anything like this.
There has indeed never been anything like this because almost every word of it was false.
Donald continues to insist that America now pays the lowest drug prices in the world despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. But this is what he always does. He takes an existing system, repackages it with his name attached to it, lies about what it does, and then expects applause. And somehow there are still people willing to give it to him.
But perhaps the most absurd moment of the week came during Donald’s impromptu press conference at the site of his proposed billion dollar ballroom monstrosity.
While showing off the construction project, Donald proudly announced that the reflecting pool would soon become waterproof.
Donald: I’m doing a job on the reflecting lake for a fraction of what they paid. I’ve upgraded it like you wouldn’t believe. It’s going to be beautiful. It’s going to be waterproof. It’s going to be reflecting again. I took over a dirty, filthy thing that wasn’t open and it was disgusting.
First of all, nobody’s friends call them “sir.” Donald does not have friends. He has employees and enablers.
Second, the original budget for the reflecting pool renovation was reportedly $1.8 million. Donald then handed the project to his Mar a Lago pool contractor through a no bid contract, and somehow the cost exploded to $13 million in taxpayer money.
But the truly remarkable part is that Donald appears to believe “waterproof” is an optional feature for pools. I genuinely thought waterproofing was implied in the entire concept of “pool.” Apparently not in Donald’s world.
And finally, this week’s recipient of what should probably become a permanent award for catastrophic stupidity within the Trump regime.
This week’s winner is Wisconsin Republican Derrick Van Orden, who managed to summarize the entire delusional mindset of Trumpism in a single sentence.
Donald Trump doesn’t make threats. He makes promises.
That is genuinely incredible.
Because so far Donald’s “promises” to Iran have resulted in Iran effectively telling the United States to go to hell while continuing to strengthen its position.
And honestly, that feels like the only appropriate way to end another week inside the escalating absurdity of the Trump regime.
The lies keep coming. The corruption gets deeper. The incompetence becomes more staggering by the day. These people want to be feared. They want to be treated as powerful, untouchable, and inevitable.
They are none of those things.
They are grifters, cowards, and opportunists hollowing out this country in real time, and they deserve to be treated exactly as they are.
Not with reverence. Not with intimidation.
With ridicule.
I love how you write. Despite how dreadful everything he does is, I soooooo enjoyed your telling of it here. Your language skills and reportage, psychology insights, family background and wonderful sense of humor help lead us to the terrible WHAT things he’s doing but in a more personal and entertaining way than the front news pages or TV reports. Breath of fresh air. Thank you!
His promises are worthless as are his threats. The majority of Americans would gladly trash his ass in person with their bare hands and face the consequences gladly.
A person who can't really do anything and doesn't actually know anything should not be allowed in our Government.
It does get worse every day. They evidently spend lots of time thinking up ways to screw things up more. Donald thinks that it is all his and he can break it if he wants to.
We cannot let him continue.