Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of Trump Trolls Trump. We find ourselves just ten days away from the midterm elections, a pivotal moment for our democracy. Early voting is already underway in many states, if you haven’t registered yet, do so and then go vote! Making your voice heard is fun and free, a rare constitutional right that remains available to us, and it’s one we must cherish and uphold.
It has now been 642 days since Inauguration Day, January 20, 2025 a day that will live in infamy. Today, we’re taking a look back at the antics of the past week in our nation’s ongoing reality show.
October has been particularly busy for Donald. He claims not to worry about the polls, but there’s a significant gap between what he says and his actions. He’s been campaigning, if you can call it that, at a feverish pace, having held nearly twenty rallies since October 1st. He’s been strutting across very red states, visiting New York, Texas, Oklahoma, Ohio, Montana, Alaska, Arizona, Tennessee, North and South Carolina, and Florida, even returning to Georgia for a second time tonight. What’s the rationale behind this relentless focus on these reliably Republican strongholds?
While he proclaims that the ballot box doesn’t concern him, his frantic rally circuit poses a different narrative. It’s somewhat baffling—one has to wonder if he’s feeling the pressure. Is he tired? How does he manage to stay awake through this marathon of self-promotion?
He claims it isn’t easy to stand there for two hours ranting and raving, though you have to admit that there’s a certain level of adoration emanating from the crowds at these events. For him, that emotional high must be a driving force. Yet, we can’t overlook the intimidation tactics masquerading as love. What epitomizes love better than forcibly removing a woman from a rally simply for exercising her First Amendment right to protest? It fills me with warmth when I see elderly women being escorted from half-filled arenas while displaying a peaceful gesture of dissent. What could possibly define the Republican version of fellowship better than a group of men assaulting a woman simply because of the t-shirt she’s wearing?
But let’s not dwell too much on the abhorrent behavior exhibited last week; instead, let me summarize what we believe is Donald’s closing midterm message to voters. Because, frankly, we need to protect our sanity.
I didn’t get the Nobel Prize. I didn’t get the bullets. I should have gotten the Pulitzer for writing too. Everybody said, “Well, you’ll get it.” They said, “I’ll get it last year.” The person who got it, a very high quality woman. She gave it to me, high quality. So everyone said, “Don’t worry, you’ll get it this year.” Well, that didn’t happen. It’s just ridiculous. I settled like eight wars. How the hell did you not get the Nobel Prize? The woman that got it, I don’t know where the hell she comes from. Sir, we could do $1,775. I said, “That’s a strange number that why does that number remind me of something?” But being a super genius, I said, “Ha, if I invest nearly $1 more, I’m at $1776.” You remember that? He built the wall, but Mexico didn’t pay. Mexico did pay. They pay massive tariffs.
Not only did they pay, I even called the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Okay? That’s a thing. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m pleased to announce that on Monday morning we’ll be changing the name of the Atlantic Ocean to the American Ocean. We just extinguished a nuclear bomb from the worst country in the world and our gas prices, it’s a small thing to pay. Our gas prices are lower than under Obama. My wife is a very elegant, beautiful woman. She’s actually becoming the next Eleanor Roosevelt. She’s always saying, “Please don’t dance on stage.”
Where does one even start with that? Apparently, I am also a “super genius” because I can add one to numbers. And as for Melania being the next Eleanor Roosevelt—well, I’m pretty sure Eleanor Roosevelt was certainly not a Russian plant. But I digress. What truly concerns me isn’t just the fabrications or the outright absurdity of Donald’s comments; it’s the fact that many in that crowd reveled in it.
Back to the topic of bribery. Last weekend, Donald shared more about the aforementioned $5,000 dividend check he’s been promising. If Donald were genuinely offering that money, one could argue it qualifies as bribery, but realistically, does anyone actually expect him to follow through?
The Trump dividend is approximately, as an example, $1 trillion. So if you do that, it costs the country $1 trillion, but we have a record-setting $21 trillion that’s being invested in the United States just in 15 months.
He even suggested how these imaginary funds could be utilized. In what seems to be his standard comedic style, he quipped:
So let’s go to Miami, darling, or let’s go to Palm Beach and enjoy the president for lunch. Let’s have lunch at Mar-a-Lago, where for $5,000 you’ll get one hamburger and a small dessert.
It’s almost laughable how he spins such outlandish claims about wealth distribution, especially when he underscores how his supporters will be left with nothing but empty promises.
And just when you think it couldn’t get more ludicrous, on October 14th, Donald held a rally in Kalispell, Montana. That day, he found himself oddly impressed with a recent poll conducted by CNN’s chief data analyst, Harry Enten. During this rally, he declared:
He’s very good. He may not have a job tomorrow, but these are minor details.
Well, let’s see what Enten actually revealed about Donald’s polling numbers.
Trump’s not approving. It’s an all-time low. At the beginning of his term, he was plus six. Now he’s talking negative 35 points—his worst showing ever in the Reuters Ipsos poll. Among independents, he’s 54 points underwater.
This is rich. Who says Donald isn’t the best at something? He excels at being the worst! Hooray for him.
As Vice President Baby JD Vance took the stage for an FBI field office press conference in Cincinnati, Ohio, he chose to stand next to none other than the most incompetent Attorney Generals in American history, Todd Blanche. here is what Baby JD had to say:
We don’t try people in the court of public opinion. We actually try people according to the real facts that are out there. But I can tell you this attorney general and the entire administration, we reject pay for play. We reject anybody getting enriched off of their connections to the government.
I can’t even begin to comprehend the irony. I mean, should we really trust someone who’s clearly benefitted from their familial ties?
Look, if Vance and Donald are serious about cleaning up government corruption, they might want to start by looking in the mirror. It extends beyond mere lip service regarding their standards of ethics. After all, it’s hard to argue against fraud when you’re rooting for it from the inside.
Finally, Pete Hegseth, in addition to being Secretary of Defense, has proudly taken on the title of Interior Designer. According to sources at the Washington Post, Hegseth has been fixated on acquiring a historic globe that belonged to Eisenhower, insisting it be displayed in his Pentagon office.
You’d think that such a significant artifact would be treated with care, right?
Instead, his staff attempted the move themselves and dropped it—leaving a sizable hole near Antarctica.
Accidents happen,” the Defense Department stated. “We are grateful no one was harmed, and the globe is being repaired.
Seriously? What world are we living in where the mishandling of a globe is deemed acceptable? Unbelievable.
As we prepare for the upcoming midterms, let’s remember what’s at stake. We have ten days left to make our voices echo through the ballot box. And while things appear dire, there’s a plan in the works. And you may want to sit down for this.
There’s been talk of a ceasefire between Russia and Ukraine, apparently spearheaded by Melania. Who better than a woman accused of being a Russian plant to negotiate peace, right?
Her senior advisor stated:
Both sides formally recognized her as an intermediary, giving her the power to negotiate this ceasefire. She’s been working tirelessly now for over a month.
I can hardly believe what I’m hearing. It sounds like a reality TV storyline, not a plan for global peace.
As we draw our discussions to a close, remember: mockery is our superpower. It is long past time to hold the Trump regime accountable for their rampant corruption, incompetence, and treasonous behavior.
Thank you for joining me this week. Go out there and vote!
Until next week, thank you for joining me.
Look, gay men are probably my favorite people. Donny is not gay. However, there were rumors in NYC about him and Roy Cohn. Trump is so devoid of any morals that he'd do anything for political expediency and I mean ANYTHING! What he said was just weird and creepy. We can leave it at that!
It was the Pope who negotiated the ceasefire agreement between Russia and Ukraine. He started it back in September, but then he got sick. He called Putin on October 16th from his hospital bed, and then President Zelensky on October 19th. It’s only in effect in one village, Oleshky, population about 1,700. But… there’s Melania, swooping in to take the credit. Even Catlick JD is keeping quiet about it. He won’t defend the Pope, but he really doesn’t want to offend Donald. I cannot wait until these people are out of Office…and hopefully imprisoned.