Trump Trolls Trump

Week 93

[Transcript edited for clarity, flow and length]

This is what Donald said about the era he insists we are living in:

Less than two years ago, the radical left Democrats handed us the truth. I say it all the time. It was like a dark period, wasn’t it? It was a dark age of America, but we quickly turned it into the golden age of America. This is the golden age. We’re in the golden age of America right now. There’s never been a time like it. Truly, it’s the golden age of America. It really is. It’s the golden age. The golden age of America is upon us. We are in the golden age. This is the greatest we’ll ever be. And we’re never going back to that hell hole we lived in for four years. We’re a laughing shock.

I did not know that golden age was a synonym for the most terrifying time I have ever lived through in my whole life.

Welcome to this week’s episode of Trump Trolls Trump. It’s Halloween, and the party down the street is already setting up, which means we must flee. Today marks 649 days since the scariest thing our country has ever experienced, and frankly ever done to itself, which was inauguration day 2025, at least in modern American history. We’re going to look back at all the shocking, frightening, and outright horrifying things we have witnessed over the last seven days, or years, or millennia. It seems like a very long time, and in a way it is. This is week 93, but the midterms are three days away. Three. You can count the days to the midterms on one hand.

Before we jump in, please plan to vote. Make sure you know where you’re voting and where your polling place is. Make sure you’re registered, obviously. If you live in a state that continues to make it harder for people to vote, find out what kind of ID you need, and if you need one, get it. Let’s put an end to this living nightmare that is the Trump regime, and let’s do it on November 3. We need to slow the horrors down, and the way to do that is to take the people causing them out of power.

For the past month, Donald has been traveling all over red states, not the country, trying to shore up Republican support ahead of the midterms in places his party won by well over double digits in the very recent past. It has been a wild ride, but something very scary happened this week.

In South Carolina, where Donald was preparing to speak at a rally on Thursday, a Fox State TV reporter approached a man holding a microphone he assumed was a MAGA supporter and asked him why he was there. I’m pretty sure reporters should be like lawyers. Don’t ask a question you don’t know the answer to, because I don’t think this is what this guy was expecting. This is how the exchange unfolded:

Reporter: Tom, why are you here this morning?

Tom: Well, in the late 70s, I was a little too young to get involved and go to South America for the Jonestown massacre, but this is as close as I’ll ever get, so that’s why I’m here.

Reporter: Wait, the Jonestown massacre?

Tom: That’s right. See, there’s nothing like seeing a cult right up front, man.

Reporter: All right. So maybe this is not a Trump supporter right now. It’s okay. We’ll get over it. I appreciate that.

Tom’s answer should trouble anyone paying attention. The reporter clearly expected a friendly interview, and what he got instead was a cult reference delivered with a shrug.

We learned Thursday night that Donald had, for some reason, canceled most of his remaining weekend rallies, opting instead to stay home and hold what they’re calling telerallies. There are a lot of theories about the sudden change of plans. Maybe the pressure is finally getting to him. Maybe he suddenly doesn’t need to be in the spotlight. No. Who am I kidding? My guess is that Republicans announced this without even clearing it with Donald because they know how toxic he is.

I’m guessing Donald didn’t take it very well, because guess what? The rallies are back on, to which I say, hallelujah. Even though it’s clear things are not going to Donald’s plan, he seems a little cranky. Take a look at this exchange, which is what Donald said when a reporter asked about the canceled rallies:

Reporter: Not going to Kansas has nothing to do with you being sick of traveling. Donald: Who are you with?

Reporter: I’m with Reuters, sir.

Donald: You are a sick guy. Reuters is terrible, by the way. Look at how badly he comes to me. Sir, you’re not going to Kansas? I’m not going to Kansas because he’s doing very well. I’m going to do a telerally. Tomorrow I’m doing Florida. He said, what’s the reason? After 28 questions, he says, what’s the reason for this, sir, that you’re not going to Kansas? You know what the reason is? I don’t feel I have to go to Kansas. I’m going to Florida tomorrow, and I’ll do it if something else comes up. But he said, you’re not going to Kansas, sir. Are you feeling well? You’ve been following me for two weeks. I feel perfect. You are disgusting. Put yourself in shape. You look like hell.

Donald, Donald, Donald. Okay. Come on. I have to keep saying this to you. When you’re saying these things, stop looking in the mirror. Let’s set aside the fact that Donald is describing himself. That is a president of the United States losing his mind over a perfectly legitimate question. Donald loves holding rallies, and suddenly he isn’t holding them, because it isn’t true that the Republican candidate, Roger Marshall, is doing so well that he doesn’t need help. In fact, the Democrat, Adam Hamilton, is slightly ahead, which means we really do need Donald to go back, please, because that will get our guy over the finish line without any doubt.

Meanwhile, MAGA Congressman Derek Van Orden of Wisconsin was asked what he is telling voters about Donald’s war of choice in Iran and the soaring prices Americans are paying for gas and diesel as a result. His answer is exactly what you would expect from a religious fanatic who doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state. This is what he said:

Derek Van Orden: We’ve been doing this for 50 years. Should we wait 75 years or 100 years or 200 years until we take care of this problem? It needs to be done now. And if this means that we have a tougher time maintaining the House and the Senate, well, so be it.

What? I mean, yes, great. If it means you’re not going to hold the House and the Senate because of your bizarre, apocalyptic Christian notions that somehow going to the Middle East is going to bring about the second coming of Christ, I am so down with that. I can’t even overstate it. So let’s just say the GOP doesn’t have a winning campaign message. I don’t think their strategy could necessarily be considered reaching out to voters.

Take, for instance, national economic advisor and inappropriately smiley guy Kevin Hassett on Fox Business TV, telling voters that saying the economy is bad is merely a... oh, what’s the word? Misrepresentation. This is what he said:

Kevin Hassett: And so the great big picture about this economy is that it’s about the best economy we’ve ever seen. Now sure, there can be pockets that need some repairs, or that hopefully, as President Trump said, energy prices will drop like a rock, and then the three or 4 percent growth we have right now will go even higher. But to characterize the economy as a negative thing right now is really just misrepresenting the facts. Because of the income boom, the capital spending boom, and the fact that people aren’t losing their jobs, all the things that have made the economy great mean that the affordability crisis is a myth. And sure, they can talk about gasoline. President Trump is right that it’s going to drop like a rock soon, but the bottom line is, if you adjust for inflation and changes in prices, Americans are a trillion dollars better off than they were when President Trump took office. And so this whole idea about affordability, the way they’re presenting it, is inconsistent with the data.

Is it inconsistent with the data? Is it inconsistent with everybody’s lived experience? It’s also very interesting that Inappropriately Smiley Guy describes the entire middle class and the entire working class as pockets.

Meanwhile, Donald and Melania cast their votes early last Saturday in West Palm Beach, Florida. Oh my goodness gracious. They had the audacity, the courage, to go to West Palm Beach? Wow, that must have been hard. Yep. Donald, who has spent years complaining about voting by mail and questioning election integrity, decided to vote early. I’m guessing he had more important things to do on Tuesday, because there’s a public golf course in DC that desperately needs to be destroyed.

While taking questions from reporters afterward, Donald made a rather extraordinary claim that may have been just a little bit exaggerated.

Donald: Actually, some of the things that my uncle invented, the radar. My uncle invented radar. Can you believe it? From MIT, Dr. John Trump.

Well, false. I also don’t quite know what that has to do with anything, but at least my uncle John, my great uncle John, did have a very productive career as a physicist and engineer. First of all, my great uncle John did not invent radar, although that’s sort of the least important thing here. Why in the world is he talking about that at a polling place? To be fair, though, my great uncle John was a very smart man. He was indeed a professor at MIT, and he pioneered the application of radiation in fields like atomic physics and medicine. In fact, he was awarded the National Medal of Science posthumously, which is incredible. Tragically, though, all of that intelligence, and I’m not going to say it skipped the whole generation because my dad was a pretty smart guy, certainly leapfrogged right over Donald’s head. As far as I’m aware, Donald has invented absolutely nothing except vicious stupidity.

Coming up after the break is our quote of the week, a little back and forth between a couple of presidents that has captured the attention of the nation like nothing else. Not the fact that we’re betraying Ukraine, not the horrors Russia is committing, not the Iran situation. No, this.

Nobody seems to get under Donald’s skin like women, smart women, especially smart Black women, but Barack Obama does a pretty good job. He was out on the campaign trail this week and made a comparison involving Donald that got under Donald’s skin, which is very, very thin. Here’s a bit of what happened, and I think it’s fair to call it the Cheesecake Factory incident.

Barack Obama: He’s building a ballroom that’s bigger than the White House. It’s paved over the Rose Garden, put a helicopter pad on the south lawn, and there’s gold everywhere. What’s up with the gold? Everything, more gold. He’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened a cheesecake factory.

This is how Donald responded:

Donald: You have to remember, the White House, we have to explain that to Obama because he doesn’t understand it, because he’s not a smart guy. Let me tell you, in my opinion, he’s not smart at all. He said, this isn’t a cheesecake factory. Can you believe it? He doesn’t like successful companies, because the way he ran the country, only a stupid person would run the country like that. He was very critical about me because I spent time… Guys like Obama don’t see it. I’m really good at real estate and fixing things. I fix things very good. You don’t see dirt. He doesn’t see filth. He doesn’t see broken ornaments on a building. I can do it naturally. It’s a natural thing. It actually relaxes me. The White House to President Obama is the symbol of America. It has to be clean. For you to say it’s a cheesecake factory, that just shows why you’re a lousy president. And I would try to explain that to a guy like Obama, but he wouldn’t understand.

It’s so impressive to me how Donald lets insults roll right off, like water off a duck’s back. Really, really impressive. Yeah, right. First of all, Obama didn’t say anything bad about the Cheesecake Factory. He said Donald has turned the Oval Office into a Cheesecake Factory, as if it were decorated by Saddam Hussein. In other words, let’s keep it simple. Donald, you have terrible, terrible, terrible taste.

All right, that’s it for us. Have a wonderful Halloween. Please make sure you’re registered, and if you’re not, get registered. Keep checking your registration. Make sure you know where your polling place is. Have a plan, and have the right ID. If you need ID, the time is upon us. Thank you again. As always, remember, mockery is our superpower. We’ll see you next time.