Trump Trolls Trump

Week 82

Karoline Leavitt: Soon to be neither seen nor heard.

Credit where credit is due. Hello everybody, and welcome to this week’s Trump Trolls Trump. It has now been 572 days since Inauguration Day last year, and we are taking a look back at week 82. The jobs report came out last week and it was ugly. Does Donald get credit for that? No. Sorry, we are still blaming Joe Biden. My apologies.

Instead of adding the roughly 80,000 jobs economists expected, because they are an optimistic bunch, the economy actually lost 23,000 jobs, which is the opposite of what is supposed to happen. At the same time, the jobs numbers for May and June were revised downward by another 103,000, which means simply that we lost jobs last month and, in May and June, Donald and his regime created 133,000 fewer jobs than we had been told. Just because we get tired of winning.

AAA now says that gas is averaging $4.07 a gallon. That is up from about $3.13 on Inauguration Day, January 20, 2025. That is about a 30 percent increase, and of course grocery prices are still up. The Trump regime is still waging war with Iran with no end in sight and still no plan. Meanwhile, Donald’s approval numbers continue to hover around the low 30s, lower than any other president of the modern era.

But because we are dealing with Donald, and because he grew up in this environment of toxic positivity, it would be fatal to do anything other than look at all of the horrors going on and come to this conclusion: everything is great. Everything is fantastic. There is nothing to see here other than the gloriousness of Donald Trump.

Donald: The country’s doing well. The stock market’s fantastic. Record. We have 79 records so far in a short period of time. More people are working right now in the United States than ever before, and prices are dropping fast. Iran is going fine, going just absolutely fine. We totally control the Strait of Hormuz. We have control over it. Nobody else, only us. Our Navy is unbelievable and things are going great for our country.

I understand he gets confused. He is old and in serious cognitive decline, so it is understandable if he would mix things up. There is one thing that is falling fast, though. That is his poll numbers. So close.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent was asked this week about consumer sentiment. Millions of Americans are worried about rising gas prices, the cost of groceries and utilities, and they are struggling to pay their bills. But according to Bessent, really one of the people in the regime who has his fingers on the pulse of what the American people want, people’s feelings do not matter because their lived experience apparently does not matter. Deep down, underneath the inability to pay for anything and the inability to get a job, they know everything is great.

Bessent: Well, when I was in the investment business, there are consumer surveys, but I used to look at what are the people really doing? So at Treasury, we have loads of CEOs come through, whether they’re in retail, credit card, the banks, and the consumer, while they may be sounding grim, is actually quite buoyant. So we are seeing spending has been very solid across most categories.

When he was asked if people might not feel good, Bessent continued:

Well, look, in their heart of hearts, they feel good. I’m not sure what they’re telling the survey people.

That makes sense. I do not even know what to say, except when it is coming from inappropriately smiley person Scott Bessent, of course I am going to believe that.

I want to talk a little bit about Bruce Blakeman. He is a Republican running to be governor of New York. Good luck with that, by which I mean you are going to lose horribly. In part, not just because he is a Republican, because sadly, New York State has a track record of electing Republican governors, but because Blakeman is just an utterly unhinged, full blown MAGA Republican. He has worked closely with ICE, targeted transgender athletes, and created an armed volunteer deputy force, whatever that means, but it does not sound good. And of course, he has Donald’s full endorsement, which probably means he has done horrible things in his personal life too. Maybe some people might be saying that.

Blakeman is not a moderate New York Republican, which, by the way, is probably an endangered species at this point, if we are being honest. He is running as Donald’s guy in New York. He went on Fox State TV Business Edition with Stuart Varney to explain why that is a good thing for the state. This is what Bruce Blakeman said:

Well, listen, when the most powerful person in the world comes to visit you and shows that you have a relationship together, I think that’s a very good thing. There are a lot of people in New York who disagree with President Trump’s policies, but I think they appreciate the fact that they’ll have a governor that can pick up the phone and talk to the president and get instant results.

Like what? What instant results? We do not want any of those results. And I do not really think it is anything to brag about that you can pick up the phone and get in touch with the most reviled person in the entire state. We hate him. And by extension, you. Maybe Blakeman is confused and thinks he is running to be governor of Staten Island, in which case, yes, he would probably win that contest.

Next up, we have been witnessing the continued moral collapse and cowardice of Senator Bill Cassidy, who, by the way, is also a medical doctor who voted to confirm sociopath and unqualified hack Robert Kennedy, knowing that Kennedy was going to present a clear and present danger to all Americans, but especially our children. Just days ago, as if that were not enough, Cassidy provided the deciding vote to confirm Todd Blanche, Donald’s personal defense attorney, as Attorney General of the United States, the man who will now run the Justice Department and who has proven time and time again that he is the enemy of the rule of law in America, not its steward.

Cassidy’s excuse was essentially that if Blanche were not confirmed, Donald might pick someone worse. That is an argument. Last week, Cassidy also helped clear Erica Schwartz to run the Centers for Disease Control. And again, as I mentioned, he was instrumental in putting Kennedy in charge of Health and Human Services. I do not think we can overstate the fact that Cassidy’s being a medical doctor makes almost all of these decisions infinitely worse. This week, Donald and Kennedy began rolling back childhood vaccine policy, putting millions of children at greater risk of preventable disease.

When Cassidy was asked if he regretted his decision to put Kennedy in charge of Health and Human Services.

Cassidy: Well, so first, this is a presidential executive order. RFK told me he was not going to change the ACIP. So if you want to tell me somebody didn’t tell me the truth and I should have seen in the future that they were not going to tell the truth, you can say, Oh, Bill, you should have seen it into the future.

He looks like one of those characters from Get Out whose essence is being suppressed by a malignant personality. He looks like a man who knows he sold his soul and is forever trapped in the nightmare of his own making. To which I say good. I cannot wait for your medical license to be revoked. I would say the same thing about Robert Kennedy, but guess what? He does not have one. He is not a scientist. He is not an immunologist or a virologist or a medical doctor of any kind. He used to be an environmental attorney.

In 2019, Baby J.D. Vance converted to Catholicism, and I am sure that was sincere. Now apparently he is an expert on faith. Just like Donald knows more than a general, J.D. Vance knows more about faith, God, and the Bible than the Pope. Earlier this year, he actually advised Pope Leo to stick to “matters of morality.” I am pretty sure that is his jam.

This is the same J.D. Vance who visited Pope Francis shortly before his death. Speaking this week to Fox State TV’s resident expert on faith and morality, Kayleigh McEnany, Vance revealed the profound moment that may explain how he ultimately found his true path to Christ.

Baby JD: It was very incremental. I’ve never had an epiphany, Kayleigh, though I’ve certainly had these moments where I felt the presence of God. I talk, for example, about this moment that I had at a conference where a friend and I were talking about Christianity and talking about Catholicism. And there was this moment where a glass fell off the wall at the point of our conversation where I think an atheist would dismiss that as, oh, who cares? A glass fell off the wall. But at that moment, it felt like God was trying to send me a message.

What message would that be exactly? Keep going the way you are going and you too will be smashed into pieces like this glass? I do not know. What is the message? Watch out for falling glass? How does that translate into anything at all to do with your religiosity and changing the course of your life as a man of faith?

In the category of could not have happened to a nicer guy, which is to say a terrible person got exactly what he deserved, Donald’s good friend Mike Lindell, the pillow guy, lost his bid to become governor of Minnesota. He did not lose by a little bit. He lost a Republican primary by about 11 points, which you would think would make you graciously accept your defeat and scamper on to making more pillows or whatever Mike Lindell does.

But does that sound like Mike Lindell? Gracious in defeat, accepting the will of the voters, being magnanimous to his opponent who won? No.

Lindell: What is the AP, the voters? Why would I listen to the AP? There’s 265,000 votes left to count. I’m down by 18,000 now. We just gained 5,000. I’m not going to give up this race.

What does a news organization have to do with reporting the news? It is a little alarming that a businessman, an allegedly successful businessman, does not understand statistics or how margins work because there are things called projections. There might have been a lot of votes outstanding, but yes, I am pretty sure that we could get some sense of where they were going. What is making all of this fun for me, though, is that Lindell is actually crying election fraud against another Republican. I cannot wait to see how that all plays out.

Finally, you have all probably heard by now that White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt is leaving. To which I say good. May we never hear from that horrible propagandist and liar ever again. She is reportedly leaving to spend more time with her family, and I am very sorry for them. But the timing is also interesting because guess who was not in the super secret tiny group of people Donald chose to save when he, in his signature cowardly fashion, scampered away from Air Force One by way of a catering truck?

The new blonde in town, 35 year old babysitter Natalie Harp, was in the group. Who needs more than one bleach blonde? Seriously. Donald does not need more than one, especially since Natalie Harp is with him 24 hours a day. He also took his former caddy Dan Scavino, his co-conspirator in the Mar-a-Lago stolen documents case Walt Nauta, and Pete Hegseth. So who did not get invited, other than, of course, Karoline Leavitt? Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, the entire traveling press pool, and Stephen Miller, which I have to say really shocked me.

So is her leaving right now just a coincidence? No. Because as I said, Karoline, there is a new blonde in town, and it is not you. Please enjoy your retirement, by which I mean I hope you never get a job again.

That is it for us. Thank you so much for joining me for this week’s Trump Trolls Trump. Remember, we will be back next week and every week for the foreseeable future, probably forever, to help hold these inept criminals up to scrutiny, call out exactly what they are doing, and relentlessly mock them as they systematically try to destroy the country.

Because remember, mockery is our superpower.

Until next time.