Trump Trolls Trump | Week 72

It has now been 502 days since Inauguration Day

Donald Trump nods off while sitting alongside Secretary of State Marco Rubio (left) and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (right). Photo Credit: Reuters

This is Trump Trolls Trump.

It has now been 502 days since Inauguration Day. Yes, that was January 20, 2025.

And how dare you not be on your hands and knees kissing Donald’s feet because of what he has done to America.

You know the drill. I’m going to mock these people relentlessly, partly because they’re so eminently mockable, but also because I take issue with the fact that they keep lying to us. I have a problem with that, you see.

So we’re going to take a look back at another week of the so-called golden age.

This week at the White House, Donald had, credit where credit is due, a cutting-edge, no-holds-barred, hard-hitting interview with his daughter-in-law.

Yes, Lara Trump.

The interview took place in front of a giant portrait of Donald himself, just in case you weren’t sure who she was interviewing. Basically, it was Donald, the tin-pot dictator, being interviewed by his family.

In that context, Donald explained to the Fox State TV audience, and indeed the nation, how he has come to define his political opponents.

Donald: It’s just a terrible thing for our country and to really be great, you need a fair media and we don’t have a fair media. That’s all they can do is lie. That’s the Democrats. They have no policy. They’re Democrats. They have no policy. We have a new name for them. Dumocrats. I will always call them Democrats until they straighten up because they want women to be put in danger by having men play in women’s sports. Think of it. They want the transgender mutilization of your children. We call them Dumocrats and it works out well because I take the word dumb. Take the B off because most people don’t know that dumb ends with a B. Most people don’t know. All I do is switch the E with a U and you have a Dumocrat. I came up with that by watching Hakeem Jeffries because he’s a dumb person. I said, he’s really dumb. Wait a minute, he’s a Dumocrat. I think it works. I don’t know that it’s going to be as good as Pocahontas or Fake News or so many of the others we’ve come up with, but I’m going to call them Dumocrats because I don’t understand how they can be so stupid.

Says the stupidest person ever to draw a breath. In fact, he’s so stupid I’m shocked he even knows how to breathe. He doesn’t really understand how to stay awake anymore, but that is a conversation for another time.

Secretary of State Marco Rubio appeared before the House Foreign Affairs Committee this week to defend the Trump regime’s foreign policy priorities and answer questions about everything from Iran and international diplomacy to the State Department’s budget requests.

During the hearing, California Democrat Sarah Jacobs asked Rubio a very simple question:

Who won the 2020 election?

What followed was a bizarre and increasingly awkward exchange that eventually devolved into something else entirely.

This is what happened:

Mr. Secretary, who won the 2020 presidential election?

I’m not here to answer inquiry. We’re talking about 2020. This is a foreign affairs committee.

Okay, great. You can’t answer the question. We all know President Biden won.

I don’t answer the question because, as Secretary of State, I do not participate in domestic political issues…

Mr. Secretary, it seems like you have an issue admitting facts. You can’t say that President Biden won the 2020 election, just like you won’t admit President Trump is losing this reckless war of choice. And just like you couldn’t admit that the shoes the president bought you were too big. You clearly don’t know what winning means, and not because the facts are unclear to you. It’s because telling the truth would cost you your job, and the American people are entitled to a Secretary of State who tells them the truth even when the president doesn’t want to hear it. And my constituents and our service members deserve better.

I don’t know what shoes she’s talking about. What is she talking about?…

Yeah, I don’t know about the shoes. He gave me some Ferragamo shoes. They’re actually pretty good. They fit fine. I don’t know what she’s talking about. Maybe that’s what she’s referring to.

Your shoes look very nice today, Mr. Secretary.

How can you see them? They’re way down here. We’re talking about shoes. Are you guys kidding me? Is this the Foreign Affairs Committee or is this like a circus? What is this?

I have to admit, for a second I thought she was talking about the clown shoes Rubio has been forced to wear on occasion.

Are you not entertained?

Also, she misspoke. It’s not job. It’s jobs.

Because remember, Marco Rubio apparently being Secretary of State is not a full-time gig. He’s acting head of, I think, the archives, the ATF, and half the federal government. And don’t forget, his most important job is keeper of the Diet Coke button on Donald’s desk in the Oval Office. I think that’s really where his talents lie.

National Economic Council Director and Inappropriately Smiley Guy Kevin Hassett appeared on Fox State TV this week and was asked what message he had for Americans struggling with credit card debt and rising interest payments.

Did he focus on the millions of Americans who are carrying credit card balances from month to month and therefore having to pay extremely high interest rates?

Or did he seem more concerned about something else entirely?

Fox Reporter: Credit card debt, though, because that’s another issue. The Wall Street Journal says in the first quarter of this year the percentage of credit card balances that were at least 90 days delinquent rose to 13.12%, according to data released in May by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. That’s the highest level in 15 years and the most since the period following the 2008 financial crisis. People say they’re using those cards to get through necessities because they can’t afford what’s going on. So your message to them?

Hassett: We talk to the CEOs of the credit card companies all the time and we do see some increased stress like the numbers the Wall Street Journal quotes. But for the most part, delinquency is different from default and there’s not any kind of financial threat to the credit card companies. They don’t feel like they’re heading toward default scenarios. It’s just that people are taking a little bit longer.

Thank God.

Thank God the credit card companies are going to be okay.

That truly should be our most important priority.

How awesome is it for them that people are taking longer to pay back their credit card bills because they’re having to put things like rent and healthcare payments on them, making the balances bigger and forcing them to take longer to pay them back?

And what happens then? As I mentioned before, much bigger interest payments. Why in the world would credit card companies care? And certainly, why would that inappropriately smiley guy care?

Dr. Mehmet Oz also appeared in the White House briefing room this week to discuss the Trump regime’s healthcare agenda.

Before long, however, he found himself answering questions about Donald’s repeated cognitive tests. I mean, truly, how many annual tests can you have in a one-year period? I naively thought the answer to that question was one.

What did I know?

One reporter pointed out the obvious contradiction. If Donald is as mentally sharp as he keeps telling us he is, why do doctors keep ordering more cognitive assessments?

Oz: I think he likes the results. He does really well. He aces the test every single day and I do actually believe that he’s curious to make sure everything’s going in the right direction. He’s a very meticulous person in so many ways that are often under appreciated.

Yes, meticulous is one of the words that springs immediately to mind when thinking about Donald Trump. And also, who has the time to go back and get sometimes involved test procedures just for fun?

He likes the results.

I have never heard anything so absurd in my life.

Donald didn’t have time to go to his son’s wedding. Well, that makes sense, actually. Why would he want to?

But Donald doesn’t have time to do other things, allegedly because the Iran war is keeping him so busy. So how could he possibly justify going back to Walter Reed repeatedly for tests he’s already taken just because he likes the results?

These people are practiced liars, but their lies are getting increasingly unbelievable.

It’s going to be interesting to see how that continues to play out as Donald increasingly cannot stay awake in public, for example.

FCC Chairman Brendan Carr appeared on Fox this week to discuss the effects of excessive screen time on children.

During the interview, Carr made an observation that was revealing, though perhaps not in the way he intended.

Carr: The last several years, particularly during COVID, screen time use inside of schools has surged through the roof and we’re seeing research pour in now, including from President Trump’s surgeon general, showing that excessive screen time is now being associated with reading disabilities, math comprehension problems, and cognitive declines.

Just saying.

Can you think of anybody who spends an excessive amount of time in front of screens?

All right, that does it for us.

We will be back next week for another episode of Trump Trolls Trump.

Thank you so much for being here.