We’re currently at war because that’s what the commander in chief wanted. So, in order to demonstrate how laser focused he is on this incredibly serious problem of his own making, in order to demonstrate how much he cares about our troops who are in harm’s way, and in order to let us know that the sailors of the USS Lincoln, who have been at sea for over 900 days and are living in dire conditions, are topmost on his mind, he took the press on a tour of the White House grounds to check in on all of the damage he’s inflicting upon the People’s House and its environs.
I want to give you, to the best of my ability to do so, Donald talking about the White House, the public housing in which he currently lives for free at our expense. This is taken directly from the transcripts and read verbatim.
As you know, we’re doing a fix up of the White House. It hasn’t been touched. It was built in 1792 and basically since that time, nothing was done, especially to the exterior, but interiors also. The floors were in bad shape. They had Home Depot tiles that were very broken and very inappropriate in areas where you see the white marble.
Quick aside. I am just learning two things in recent days. One, the word dumb has a B on the end of it. And two, Home Depot was established in 1792. Who knew? Nobody, because it’s not true. Continuing, this is what Donald said:
I think everybody sees the marble and we have to bring the White House up to, like I’m fixing the country, we’ll fix the White House too. It’s the people’s house. And one of the things we’re doing, this was always asphalt, which is very basic, not appropriate for a great house, a great place like the White House, which is to be now again one of the most beautiful buildings anywhere in the world.
As you know, we stripped the paint off. That’s many, many years of paint and we stripped it and we brought it down to its natural. We’re doing the same thing on the other side. It’s in the process. If you want, you can go over and look at it, but I think you see it. But we stripped it. We got rid of the asphalt here and this is granite. And if you notice, it’s radial. Radial, meaning it’s cut about two degrees. Every stone is two degrees rounded. So that put, instead of putting straight pieces down, we have the stone is absolutely perfectly rounded. If you look at it, it’s sort of amazing because you can barely see it, but it’s just a slight radial cut and it’s a perfect job. It’s white granite and it’s a flaw. It’s called a flawless granite. We get the best stuff.
One thing I know how to do is build. And so we put a brand new face on the front of the White House on the ground. The cars will pull up and this is what you have as opposed to the asphalt, which was literally, they had potholes in it. It’s ridiculous the way this place was taken care of. Nobody, including other presidents, they didn’t see it, but I see it because I was very good at real estate, maybe the best in a lot of ways. And I love construction. I love seeing things properly taken care of. As you know, we’ve redone the Colonnade going to the Oval Office. We put the black granite down and now we’re out here. So for 50 years, more than that, they’ve wanted to have a heliport, but nobody knew how to go about it. And we’re building a great heliport.
It’s donated by Sikorsky, by the helicopter company, because we have helicopters. They can’t even land here. They have brand new helicopters that were bought a long time ago, manufactured, recently arrived, and they couldn’t land on the grass because the power is so great of the engines that the grass would get ripped up. They tried it and the grass was literally scattered all over the place. And I don’t mean it was burned a little bit on top. I mean it was dirt and the grass was all over the place.
Because that’s how sane people talk. Yes, indeed.
I’m not going to try to make sense of that, but I will try to glean what the main theme is here: that until Donald Trump came along in 2025, no president living inside of the White House noticed what a dump it was. Well, actually, that isn’t true because, remember, in 2017 he constantly complained about what a dump he thought the White House was, but he didn’t do anything about it. There was no need for a ballroom back then. There was no need to repave the driveways with granite. Didn’t know that was a thing. People did.
But here’s the thing. I sadly have actually been to the White House. I had the great misfortune of being there in April of 2017. That was three months into his first term, before he had a chance to change anything. So I got to see what a dump the White House was after President Obama moved out and Donald Trump moved in. I was there because I was invited to celebrate my Aunt Maryanne and my Aunt Elizabeth’s birthdays. It was fun. It wasn’t.
But here’s how I experienced the White House. This is from my first book, Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man:
Once inside the White House, we walked through the long corridors, past windows looking out on gardens and lawns, past life sized paintings of former first ladies. I stopped in front of Hillary Clinton’s portrait and stood silently for a minute. I wondered again how this could have happened. There was no reason for me ever to have imagined that I’d visit the White House, certainly not under these circumstances. The whole thing felt surreal.
The White House was elegant, grand, and stately. Eventually, we emerged from the shadows of the hallway onto the portico surrounding the Rose Garden, not yet in bloom, and stopped outside the French doors leading to the Oval Office. The White House historian joined us and we proceeded to the executive residence on the second floor for a tour to be followed by dinner.
Once upstairs, we proceeded to the Lincoln Bedroom. As the historian told us stories about what had happened in the room through the years, Donald pointed vaguely once in a while and declared, This place has never looked better since George Washington lived here. The historian was too polite to point out that the house hadn’t been opened until Washington was dead.
Our group moved down the hall toward the Treaty Room and the executive dining room. The first thing I noticed about the dining room was its beauty. The dark wood polished to perfection, the exquisite place settings, and the hand drawn calligraphy on the place cards and menus. Everything was perfectly preserved, the attention to detail magnificent.
The first thing I thought when I left the White House that evening was, My God, I need a drink. The second thought I had was, This place needs to be torn to the ground and rebuilt in Donald’s image with lots of gilt and gold leaf covering everything.
No, because before Donald moved in in 2025, the White House was magnificent. Its gleaming marble floors, its stunning portraits lining stately hallways, the grounds perfectly manicured, the Rose Garden beautiful before it was paved over, the high ceilings, the period furniture, everything lovingly maintained.
Until, again, Donald moved back in and decided it wasn’t good enough for a petty tinpot dictator like him who needs to turn everything into some version of his grotesque triplex in Trump Tower, which is itself exactly like every other tasteless, grasping little dictator’s palace anywhere you look in the world.
This is so heartbreaking.
... but, he went to Wharton! Top of his class, right?!