Hello, and welcome to this week’s episode of Trump Trolls Trump. It has been 607 interminable days since this whole nightmare, I was going to say began, but continued. And yes, we are taking a look back at week 87.
Does anybody remember the Ted Cruz curse? It’s this long running idea that whenever Cruz, the benighted senator from Texas, shows up to support any Texas athletic team, that team somehow manages to lose.
On September 12th, Ted was a guest on ESPN’s College GameDay in Austin for the Texas versus Ohio State game. This is how he was introduced as the crowd booed him mercilessly.
Joined by Senator from the state of Texas, Ted Cruz. Ted, of course, is here, who has been an instrumental part in introducing the Protect College Sports Act. As you know well, college sports is an amazing institution. It has been an avenue for opportunity for literally millions of young men and young women. What we have right now is chaos. There are no rules. And so the reason Congress is acting is because Congress created this problem. They’re producing enormous value and enormous skill, but it also puts reasonable rules in place. So, for example, every player gets one free trade, not three, five, one trade.
Oh no. First of all, ESPN, you are very misguided for platforming that guy to promote his propaganda and bigotry. And secondly, is the crowd saying, “Ted, you suck,” very, very loudly and in tandem. Well done. It almost sounds like it was planned ahead of time because Ted is a terrible person and senator or because he constantly brings bad luck to Texas sports teams. I’m going with both.
Speaking of bad receptions, did you see the crowds in Ireland last week protesting Donald Trump’s visit to Ireland, and I’m going to say his very existence? It was fun. Donald was there to meet with Irish leaders and to attend the Irish Open at the Doonbeg Golf Resort because he has so much time on his hands.
As you might expect, he delivered his usual nonsensical ramblings and was generally an embarrassment and humiliation to all of us back here in America.
There was one rumor, however, Donald wanted to settle once and for all. Unfortunately for him, he fell just a bit short.
Donald: I was with the head of the biggest company in the world and we’re playing golf and we have all these things going around and we had hundreds of Secret Service all over the course. In fact, they said, Does Trump cheat? I can’t cheat. You have 250 Secret Service agents running down. It’s not that I wouldn’t cheat, but you can’t move the ball. I don’t know if they play or not, but they know you’re not supposed to be moving a ball around. Okay?
There is a lot of evidence of Donald cheating because it doesn’t matter how many hundreds of Secret Service agents American taxpayers are paying to be on that golf course with you while you waste our money and our time. There’s a thing called video, and it’s well documented that Donald cheats at everything, including and especially golf because, despite the fact that it’s pretty much the thing he spent most of his time on over the last 60 years, he still sucks at it and he can’t bear the thought of losing.
He can’t bear the thought of losing. Also, of course, Secret Service agents aren’t allowed to talk about what they actually do, so there’s that.
Donald was not the only member of the Trump regime who struggled with messaging this past week. On Tuesday, Vice President Baby JD Vance appeared at the All In Summit in Los Angeles to ask voters for another chance.
Okay. Well, let’s put this in context before my head explodes. This week, the Fed raised interest rates for the first time in more than three years by 0.25% to 4%. Donald’s own handpicked Fed chair, Kevin Warsh, joined that unanimous vote. Donald basically attacked Jerome Powell for not lowering interest rates. So here comes Kevin Warsh, the guy Donald chose to take over for Powell, raising interest rates.
So what does that mean? More pressure on mortgages, car loans, and credit cards. Yes, all of our interest rates are going to go up.
As of Friday morning, the national price for a gallon of gas in the United States averaged $4.47, which is a lot. That’s bad enough. But the real story is the price of a gallon of diesel, which just hit an all time new record of $6.45 on average nationwide. A year ago, it was $3.71. That’s a 73% increase. Well done.
But let’s hear Baby JD Vance plead for more time.
Baby JD Vance: There’s a lot of good that’s been done, but there’s a lot of work left to do. Don’t give power to the people who caused the problems that we’re fixing. Give us another chance or give us another couple of years to continue to work on the amazing things that we’ve been doing for the past two years.
Okay. I know we have a supercut somewhere of Donald promising that on day one or within one year, prices were going to go down, the Ukraine war was going to be resolved, and inflation was going to be on the decline. And these guys have the audacity, the temerity, to ask us to give them more time when 99% of what they do is complain that everything happening right now is Joe Biden’s fault.
On Thursday, Donald hosted outdoor industry executives at the White House Rose Garden, also known as the new White House parking lot, and signed executive orders aimed at expanding hunting and fishing access because we don’t have enough of that.
Among the guests was, unsurprisingly, Bass Pro Shops founder Johnny Morris. Naturally, Donald used the occasion to remind us what exactly happens when we give almost unlimited power to a venal, deeply insecure, pathetic child.
Donald: I’m doing another Biden disaster. That means you can sell a lot of fishing rods, Johnny. You’re going to sell a lot of rods. I could have made it so you couldn’t sell. You couldn’t sell anything. I could have banned fishing. I’ll tell you what, the power of this office is crazy. I could have banned fishing and driven Johnny right the hell out of business. Okay? I think I’m going to do that. Maybe just a quick audit just for a day or two till he calls me and he says, Please, president, please. You’re putting me out of business, sir.
Well, to be fair, there is something crazy about all of that. Mostly, perhaps, that Donald actually would do that because he’s insane. And I don’t know about you, but I think it’s absolutely hysterical to joke about bankrupting an entire industry and everybody who works in it just to play a joke on an obscenely wealthy friend of yours.
So before we go, a quick summary of where we are as a people. The economy is in shambles. Prices across the board are skyrocketing because of Donald’s tariff policy and his illegal, unnecessary trade war. Also, of course, the unconstitutional war of choice against Iran that’s also driving up fuel prices.
The cost of diesel has hit an all time nationwide record, which will only drive all other prices up as well. Why? Because trucks need diesel. Ships need diesel in order to move goods.
Instead of focusing on those problems, Donald’s making jokes at other people’s expense about banning fishing and cheating at golf. He’s tearing down our national monuments and wrecking monuments to his tiny little ego instead, all while we suffer.
But the midterms are coming and your vote is more important now than it’s ever been. So make sure you’re registered to vote, make sure your registration is up to date, and keep checking your registration up until you are at the polls on Election Day.
I want to close out with Tennessee Governor hopeful, a fan favorite, Senator Marsha Blackburn, who this week continued to bring the GOP midterm message into focus. So as they tell you everything you’re experiencing is not happening, remember what their message is.
Marsha Blackburn: And people in Michigan know that. They know these proposals are crazy. They know that in 1776, the battle cry was the British are coming. They know that in 2026, the battle cry is the communists are coming, and the people are standing against this.
What a compelling message. Let’s protect America from something that doesn’t exist anymore.
All right, that is it for us this week. We do not have enough time to go over every insane, ridiculous, moronic thing this regime does and its people say.
For example, Kash Patel’s new FBI bestiality policy in which the victim is the person committing the bestiality, or Donald’s $5,000 never going to happen bribe checks to voters if Republicans win the House and Senate in November, or the fact that Donald is threatening to demolish the Kennedy Center if his name doesn’t get put on the facade in contradiction to a judge’s orders, or the fact that Robert Kennedy is opening investigations into chemtrails.
See what I mean? My brain short circuits if we had to cover all of this stuff in depth. And of course there’s more, so we will be back next week because there is always more.
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Until next time, mockery is our superpower. Thanks.
Look at you serving a whole side of spice today😏. Great video, Mary❤️
Out here in the Pacific Northwest diesel is over $7.20 a gallon. As of yesterday.