Sir, this is going to be the single biggest thing you’ve done in government.
This was Donalds response:
Donald: I don’t think so. But it’s good, okay? It’s just another thing. Just another thing.
Reporter: Sir, there’s no question this will be the biggest thing you’ve ever done.
Donald: If it is the biggest thing I’ve ever done, I’ve done a terrible job as president.
No arguments here.
Hello everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Trump Trolls Trump. There are only 31 days until the midterms, so I guess that’s something to celebrate. Only 31 days of white knuckling this thing. In the meantime, I want to take a look back at Week 89.
First up, it’s happened again. According to People Magazine, Donald made an appearance in Knoxville on September 26 when the Tennessee Volunteers hosted the top ranked Texas Longhorns in a much anticipated college football clash. Donald, 80, was loudly booed by some fans at Neyland Stadium when he appeared on the Jumbotron. He could be seen sitting in a box next to Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn as he did several fist pumps for the crowd. Fun.
As you’d expect, the Secret Service had heightened security. Fans got there very early, and Donald’s movements during the game had the potential to affect the coaches’ headsets and communication with players on the field.
When he moves? He’s going to fall asleep.
Anyway, we all know about the Ted Cruz curse. Whenever he shows up to any sporting event in which a Texas team is playing, the Texas team loses. But there’s also a Donald curse. Where to start and end with that one?
Donald left at halftime. I guess he needed a nap from his nap. But was the second half enough time to give the home team a chance to make a comeback? How did they do? Texas 20, Tennessee 17.
Oh, that’s got to sting, especially since I don’t care about college football, but I really wanted Texas to lose. Where was Ted Cruz when we needed him? And whoever needs Ted Cruz?
It should come as no surprise that gas prices are still going up because, we’re still at war with Iran, and the Strait of Hormuz is still effectively closed. AAA reported that the national average for a gallon of regular gasoline continues to climb, up nearly five cents from the previous week. At $4.48 per gallon, it was the highest the national average had ever been for this time of year. Typically, the start of autumn brings lower gas prices, but lingering volatility in the Strait of Hormuz and the high cost of crude oil are driving up pump prices. This month is on track to set a new September record. So far, the average for the month is $4.30, higher than the previous September record of $3.83 set in 2023.
Let’s check in with Treasury Secretary and inappropriately smiley person Scott Bessent and see how he could contort himself into trying to make us believe that what we’re experiencing isn’t really happening. Maybe he could tell us when we might finally feel some relief from the skyrocketing fuel prices that, in his little world, aren’t skyrocketing.
Bessent: There’s only 15 million more barrels of Iranian oil on the water. Iran will have nothing left to trade for anything. They will have nothing to trade for anything. Probably within the next two weeks, they’re going to make their final deliveries of oil to China, and then they will have nothing.
Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks. I’ve heard that unit of measure before somewhere, sometime, said by somebody.
Seems like only yesterday.
Donald has spent years promising that various things will happen in two weeks. The war will be over. An announcement will be made. A question will be answered. Something will start selling. And, of course, at some point the Republicans will finally unveil their healthcare plan.
I don’t know what psychopathological obsession that speaks to, but it’s weird. Don’t hold your breath, though.
The explosive growth of AI has triggered a massive backlash against data center construction across the country. It might be one of the only, if not the only, issues on which all Americans can agree. According to Gallup, seven in 10 Americans oppose building them in their own communities.
Donald, however, is all for them. He recently said the only reason communities throughout the United States should not want data centers is if they want to end up being backwards and poor. If they want to be successful and rich, with far lower taxes and jobs all over the place, they should let data reign.
Wow.
So only backwards and poor people don’t want environment destroying, energy sucking data centers in their backyards. Oh, by the way, also noise pollution.
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson had a different take when he appeared on Fox State TV business edition earlier this week. He was asked about claims that the pushback against data centers was coming from China and how Republicans should respond to Democrats making the issue part of their midterm messaging.
Johnson: This is what Democrats do. Every election cycle, they find something to glom onto and say that this is doom and gloom and everyone will die if we don’t win. Don’t buy it. It is a Chinese PSYOP. I really believe that. It’s not a conspiracy theory. I think they’re pushing those ideas.
It is not a Chinese PSYOP. He doesn’t really believe it because he is a liar, almost as prolific a liar as Donald. And the real reason Donald is promoting data centers is because he’s getting really rich by allowing the corporations building them to be unregulated. What Mike Johnson’s motives are, I cannot tell you, other than that he is a man with no principles, no spine, and no conscience.
Now, I wonder if Donald confronted China’s President Xi Jinping about this dangerous PSYOP when they met in Washington last week. I mean, Donald is such a brave guy who is so good at standing up to totalitarian dictators. I have no doubt that was at the top of the list of topics he broached.
I’m kidding.
Let’s try to get this straight. Mike Johnson says that the push against data centers is a Chinese PSYOP that Democrats are fueling. All right, why would Democrats be pushing a Chinese PSYOP? Hopefully, there’s someone who could deliver a sharper, more focused attack on Democrats.
Oh, guess what? It turns out we do have somebody.
I’m sorry to say that she’s back, Eva Braun, which is to say former White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt, who also went on Fox State TV to hang out with Sean Hannity. Credit where credit is due. It’s astounding how many distortions, how much nonsense, and how many lies she manages to squeeze into just 45 seconds of propaganda and disinformation.
Leavitt: The Democrats are always incredibly disingenuous. They campaign as moderates. They do 360s on every single policy position they have. I was with the president today checking in with our friend and my old boss, and I will tell you, he is ready to hit the road. He’s going to be on the road almost every single day in the month of October. Over the next 36 days, Republicans, and I know President Trump is going to do it, must ruthlessly prosecute the Democrats as who they are. Extreme far left liberals who want to destroy our economy, want to take away your private property, raise your taxes, take your hard earned money, abolish prisons, abolish police, open our borders to insane people from all over this world, and end America as we know her and love her. And that is not an exaggeration.
I forgot how eloquent she is, and I also forgot what a practiced mendacious person she is. Oh my goodness.
By the way, doing a 360 just means you’ve come back to exactly the same position you started with. So that doesn’t exactly track. That doesn’t exactly land as an effective blow.
God, I’ve missed her.
Finally, we come to the story of the week. This was the gaffe heard around the world.
On Tuesday, the Senate Judiciary Committee held a hearing with this completely unbiased title: Oversight of Jack Smith’s Abuse of Authority and the Targeting of Republicans and Related Matters.
Yes, it’s always good to see Republicans going into these things with an open mind.
The hearing was chaired by 94 year old Chuck Grassley, who, by the way, is running for reelection. Republicans have spent years trying to portray former Special Counsel Jack Smith as the leader of an anti Donald witch hunt when all he was doing was his job.
I don’t think it’s his fault that Donald committed so many crimes that several grand juries indicted him on 91 counts. Senator from Texas and aforementioned Ted Cruz accused Smith of the most egregious abuse of power in the history of the Department of Justice. Ted, can I please introduce you to Todd Blanche?
Senator Foghorn Leghorn, John Kennedy, a Republican from Louisiana, said Jack Smith made him want to throw up in his mouth because that’s very senatorial. Josh Hawley accused Smith of lying to Congress and said he should be charged with perjury.
On what grounds?
Accidental Senator from South Carolina Darlene Nordone said, “What a disgrace to our justice system and the Constitution that you would stoop this low. Shame on you.”
What is she talking about? These people hate it when other people actually do their job.
The preparation and seriousness of Republicans was on full display when the committee chairman asked Smith whether he had ever received consultation or counsel from former CIA Director John Brennan.
This is what Smith said:
I’ve never met John Brennan.
Grassley responded:
Okay. Have you ever... Well, I guess you’ve answered my follow up question.
Riveting stuff. Who wouldn’t want him for another six years?
Then the aforementioned Senator Foghorn Leghorn asked Jack Smith, a very serious human being, if he believed in the Tooth Fairy and if he believed in the Easter Bunny because these people are a disgrace to our country and they take nothing seriously.
Unbelievably enough, though, there was somebody who outdid the inanity and disrespect of Kennedy and others on the panel. That would be Missouri Senator Eric Schmitt, who called Smith a dirtbag.
That’s when things really took off.
Schmitt pressed Smith on Tuesday, suggesting he had secretly met with Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis over their parallel prosecutions of Donald. Schmitt even pointed to text messages he claimed showed Smith trying to find his seat at an NBA game in Atlanta.
This is what Schmitt asked:
Did you go to an NBA game between the Golden State Warriors and the Atlanta Hawks on February 3, 2024?
Smith responded:
What city would that be in?
Schmitt said:
Atlanta.
Smith’s answer was simple:
No.
Schmitt continued:
What would you say if I had a series of text messages from your team that said you were in Atlanta at a Warriors Hawks game on February 3, 2024, the day after Willis and Wade announced their affair? I’ll give you a second to process it so you don’t perjure yourself.
Smith responded:
I definitely did not go to a Hawks game.
There was one slight problem with Schmitt’s smoking gun. The seat Smith was supposedly trying to find doesn’t even exist at State Farm Arena. Smith was never at a Hawks game that day, and other senators soon started to figure out what had happened.
Smith recalled going to a University of Maryland basketball game where Caitlin Clark was playing Iowa around that time. He suggested they could check whether that was the game they were talking about.
Then somebody finally figured it out.
The University of Iowa.
The Hawkeyes.
Hawks. Hawkeyes. Men’s basketball. Women’s basketball. Why let the facts get in the way of a good story?
Oh, why would a Republican know anything about women’s sports unless, of course, they’re trying to use women’s sports to make some kind of culture war statement about trans people?
Of course, Schmitt is not backing down, but he has also accidentally launched a thousand memes.
Schmitt happens.
All right, we have made it to October. The midterms are 31 days away. Halloween is right around the corner. The clocks are about to turn back. So let’s close with something fitting for this season, courtesy of the Senate Judiciary Committee.
As Smith explained that he recalled going to a University of Maryland basketball game where Caitlin Clark was playing around that time and that the Marshals Service was there with him, Republican Senator from Alabama Katie Britt’s face said everything.
The look of absolute horror on her face the moment she realized the questioning of Jack Smith had completely unraveled was priceless.
I hope you enjoyed that moment of Schadenfreude, which for me also served as an emotional support moment.
That’s it for us. Remember, mockery is our superpower. We will be back next week to ridicule all the criminals, grifters, thieves, and traitors of the Trump regime because they never let us down. They deserve it, and they make it so easy for us.
The clip of Katie Britt watching Eric Schmidt biting into a big shit sandwich was the funniest thing I saw all week. And, by the way, Mary, it probably does not have to be said, but regarding your question, “And whoever needs Ted Cruz?”, the answer is, of course, “Nobody."
I love a good schadenfreude!! 🤣